I grieve over happy endings.
Okay, I am going to blog as so many have suggested I do. You don’t have to read this. It might just be for me to look in a mirror. So, tonight I found myself weeping after watching a musical. Last week in NYC, i wept after each performance we saw. Yes, I tend to be a softy, but that's really not the reason I get choked up. Tonight was my epiphany. You see, I even cry after dumb Hallmark movies. I grieve over happy endings.
As a child I didn't see many happy endings. I lived broken and beat down. I could put on a good face only so others wouldn't see my wounds and tears. I lived that way until April 19, 1979 - when Jesus radically transformed me. So why do I cry over a happy ending? Maybe its because the little boy in me never got to play, never had total and unconditional love and acceptance. I weep for his broken dreams and fears. Yes, I still experience moments of that broken little child. But that's still not the complete reason I tear up. It's genuinely because I weep for all those like I was, who missed out on happy endings, who have experiences of abandoment from acceptance and love.
So, tonight I forsake all my own hurt and pain to run after those who want a happy ending - -those who can avoid what I hid for so long. That's why I love directing the stage. I get to watch people play and enjoy themselves in a safe place - in God's place. It's why I am passionate about opening my own theater and school - to be God's hands of healing. To allow others to see Father's love and tender touches. I may never get to experience what the boy in me missed out on, but I can prevent others from having this experience. My tears are meant to motivate me to seek Father's heart and find the happy ending He chose for me and others before time itself began. As I live on the edge that faith has driven me to, I should probably invest in a tissue company. My thought: He is the God of the happy ending.
The Great Adventure still awaits. Don't give up!